Ok, so the last two day’s I have been down. The other guy never called me and I wanted to know who this guy was now or get a glimpse of him or something. I felt I have suffered enough why make me wait any longer and besides I am too old I thought. I started battling with God over my age and depression problems. They have got worse since my divorce, yet also feeling like God allowed it and my living arrangements. I struggle with thoughts of rejection still and feeling like I don’t matter to God. I also struggle feeling like I can’t do this life. At one point I even said, don’t send him God bc I won’t accept him. I just didn’t feel good enough and I realized I am not ready for anyone. My scars are still very visible in my broken heart. While I love the Lord…some of my trust has been minimized with him also. Not that I don’t realize how real he is, but do I belong to him. Then as I was sitting on the couch I saw the words that stuck with me like they normally do if I feel they are from God. They said “Match Making in Progress and Team Members not Ready.” I thought huh, but then as I sat on my computer I saw “you need to be prepared.” Sooo I am guessing it’s me lol I figured it was me anyways. Just not sure how to get back to where I was before. I feel so broken now. 🙁 Struggling with the fact that second marriages could not possibly be blessed or in God’s will. I have it stuck in my mind I was never truly gonna be happy again in a marriage or it would not last, so why is God showing me otherwise. Only time will tell.
Adding that I woke up to the words “declare” the other morning. Normally, God clarifies it’s meaning later in some way if it was from him.